


How Lucky I Am

by danceswithgary



Category: Smallville
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Reconciliation, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-10
Updated: 2007-11-10
Packaged: 2017-10-03 20:48:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceswithgary/pseuds/danceswithgary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A simple song brings the past to life with new possibilities for the future. CLFF23 - Silver Medal</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Lucky I Am

**Author's Note:**

> CLFF23 Challenge Prompt: College Star Search Selected song – 'How Lucky I Am' performed by Emerson Drive (Bob Regan/Chris Lindsey)  
> Notes: Many thanks for my patient and wonderful beta jakrar, any remaining mistakes are mine.

[  
Click for Full Size](http://pics.livejournal.com/danceswithgary/pic/0004zkxw)  
"C'mon, Clark. It'll be fun!" Chloe tugged on her tall friend's arm, her voice wheedling in good humor as she backed toward the line of students waiting outside the auditorium.

Shaking his head, the dark-haired giant resisted her blandishments with a mild frown. "If it's so much fun, Chloe, then why aren't _you_ signing up?"

"Because you have a great voice and I scare babies with mine?" Chloe wrinkled her nose at the thought. "Besides, there's the money if you win. Don't tell me you couldn't use it." Widening her eyes and giving Clark her most winning smile, she begged, "Please, Clark, it's been so long since we've done something like this together."

Sighing, Clark dropped his head in defeat. "Fine, _I'll_ do it, even though you're insisting it's _us_."

Squealing in delight, Chloe clapped her hands and led Clark to the front of the line, ignoring the muttered protests from the other students. "I had Jimmy hold a place in line for you, so that you couldn't back out at the last minute."

The redhead, just a few people back from the sign-up table, greeted Chloe and Clark with a sigh of relief. "I was getting worried that I was going to end up on stage. That, my dearest Chloe, is a frightening thought."

Chloe kissed Jimmy on the cheek and pushed Clark into line. "Thanks, Jimmy, now hurry up and get into position."

"Position?" Clark twisted around to try to see what Chloe was talking about, but Chloe just gave him another shove to keep the line moving.

"Just keep walking forward, Clark. Jimmy's recording this for me." She flashed a wry grin up at him. "I'd have done it myself, but I figured you'd make a break for it if I wasn't standing right next to you every second."

Clark just raised an eyebrow in a futile attempt to convince Chloe that she was mistaken, but quickly changed to a sheepish grin. "You know me all too well, my friend."

"Yes, I do." Handing him the pen, she supervised his signature on the release form with suppressed glee. "Now, what song?"

Clark looked taken aback. "Song?"

Chloe whacked him on the arm in frustration. "Of course, song. Haven't you been paying any attention? You're going to be singing."

"But I thought they'd just play something...I...don't have one, I guess."

Chloe rolled her eyes and sighed. "There must be one...I know! You used to sing that one by Emerson Drive all the time...um...oh, yeah, it's 'How Lucky I Am.' Got that one?"

Clark had no chance to object before the organizer skimmed down the song list and nodded, making a note on Clark's entry. Gesturing them both to the backstage lineup, he turned his attention to the next person in line.

Chloe bubbled along beside a silent Clark, never noticing his increasing depression. She whispered comments about the other contestants, peeked to see if Jimmy was in place and insisted that Clark remove his jacket and tuck in his shirt, all without noticing Clark hadn't said a word. Finally, his name was called and she balanced on tiptoe to give him a good luck kiss, watching in excitement as Clark shuffled slowly out onto the stage, picked up the microphone, and introduced himself.

 

. . .

 

Clark stood in the center of the stage and looked out in dismay at the judges and the small audience of college students. He couldn't believe he'd let Chloe talk him into embarrassing himself in public like this, but then again, he'd always found it hard to deny his only friend anything. It probably wouldn't have been quite as awful if it wasn't for the song that Chloe had picked out, and that was his fault for not coming up with another one first.

He just had to get through it so he could leave.

He wasn't going to think about why he used to sing it all the time.

Clark knew the words by heart. He didn't need the teleprompter. The opening bars played, the guitar chords bounced, and the first phrases came out clear and strong, just as they should have.

_Some days blue skies are endless,_

_Sometimes rain falls like tears,_

He faltered on the next, his voice catching on the words that tore into his heart.

_Every day that you're with me,_

_Is a day I'm glad to be here._

He couldn't do it. He couldn't sing the rest...not those words he used to sing whenever he thought about _him_. Clark choked and stuttered to a halt, his head falling to his chest in defeat.

_There are high roads, low roads, and choices,_

_Reasons to doubt and believe,_

The music stopped, and Clark looked over his shoulder at Chloe, whose confusion was plain on her face. He thought about having to explain to her, and then shook his head, squaring his shoulders in determination. Clearing his throat, he addressed the judges directly. "Please, could I try that again, without the music?"

After a whispered conference, they agreed. Thanking them politely, Clark started again, a capella. It wasn't a stretch for him. All those times Chloe had heard him before had been while he was outside working or in the kitchen of the yellow farmhouse, sans musical accompaniment. His voice started out low and sweet, slower than the recorded timing, mellower, each stanza full and complete. His eyes closed against the harsh lights above the stage, Clark sang of a love, and the listeners knew that it was one lost and lamented.

As the final chorus wound to the end, the pain throbbed in Clark's voice and tears escaped to slide down his grief-stricken face.

_When the new day falls on the window,_

_And the stars rise together and dance,_

_And your light fills my heart and warms my soul,_

Only the people familiar with the words to the song understood the change he made to the final phrase.

_I know how lucky I...was. _

 

As the final notes closed with a whisper, Clark fumbled the microphone back onto the stand and left the stage without a word, pushing past Chloe, who stood there unable to do anything but weep at the pain she'd heard in her friend's voice. Neither of them heard the wave of applause that had broken out a few seconds after Clark had left the stage.

"Where's your friend? The judges want to talk to him. He's a finalist!" The organizer was standing in front of Chloe, anxiously searching for his lost contestant.

Chloe wiped away her tears and shook her head. "I'm not sure. I'll go see if I can find him." Shoving through the crowd, Chloe quickly made her way back outside, hoping to find Clark waiting for her.

He was gone.

. . .

_"Good morning, sleepyhead."_

_Clark always loved waking up with the sun coming in through the window, and smiling back into blue eyes that crinkled in amusement at his lazy stretches and yawns._

_"If you don't hurry up, your parents will beat you home, and then we'll both be grounded."_

_One not-so-careless roll across the softest cotton and Clark was able to pin the pale, lean and perfect body that he adored beneath him and begin to kiss the scarred lips into silence._

_"I mean it, Clark, you're going to get into trouble."_

_Another pouting kiss and Clark pulled back to protest. "What if I don't care, Lex? What if I don't want to hide what we have anymore?"_

_Frowning, Lex wiggled and shoved until Clark let him free, and then sat on the edge of the bed, his back rigid with strain. "Clark, we've talked about this. It's not just your parents. It's my father, and whatever he might come up with to cause trouble for both of us. You're still in high school...."_

_Sliding across the bed to kneel behind his older lover, Clark began to knead his stiff shoulders with large, strong hands. "I'm a senior, and I start at Met U in four months, Lex. I'm not underage and I'm not ashamed of us."_

_Lex sighed. "I'm not ashamed, either. It's just...you don't understand how difficult it can be to be labeled when you're just starting out. At least I had money to smooth the way when I was your age, but there's still a lot of prejudice out there, and my father knows how to bring it down hard if I thwart his plans for an advantageous marriage and a Luthor grandchild. I don't want you to be hurt."_

_Clark rested his forehead at the base of Lex's neck and mumbled, "I just want us to be together, Lex. It's the only time I'm really happy."_

_Twisting round, Lex tipped Clark's head for a gentle kiss. "Me, too, and we will be...we just need to be patient. I'm putting my own plans into place, and someday you won't have to go home in the morning. You'll already be there." Cupping Clark's face in his hands, he gave him a fond shake. "Now, hurry up and get into the shower before all those plans are ruined."_

_Natural good mood restored, Clark kissed Lex's nose and jumped out of bed. Sauntering into the bathroom, he started the water and began to serenade Lex with the song that always made him smile at Clark. "Some days blue skies are endless, sometimes rain falls like tears, every day that you're with me, is a day I'm glad to be here...."_

 

. . .

 

"Clark, pick up, it's Chloe. I know you're there. Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday. I had no idea you were...anyway, I'm sorry. Clark? Please?"

 

. . .

_"You're not really watching this, are you?" Lex ran his fingers through the tousled dark curls on the head conveniently situated in his lap and smiled down at Clark. "I guess the fifth or sixth time through, it's easy to get distracted."_

_Nuzzling into the thigh beneath his head, Clark agreed. "Yeah, it's especially easy when someone is indulging my kink and playing with my hair." He shivered when Lex tugged gently and pulled him up for a kiss. "Sometimes I think there's a direct connection between the hair on my head and certain hair located...elsewhere."_

_Lex chuckled. "Well, they are both curly, to different degrees. Shall we experiment and see if it's true?" The dim light from the large plasma screen was enough for Lex to see the matching humor in Clark's eyes. "Of course, it will require rigorous testing."_

_"Oh, I agree, Professor Luthor," Clark snickered, "and as your lab assistant, I propose that a control subject be included in the testing, perhaps one with no hair?"_

_"Ah, a scientist after my own heart." Lex gently pushed Clark down onto the rug in front of the sofa after switching the television's volume to mute. The movie played on, silently painting two living canvases with colors and shadows. Buttons and zippers opened like magic, no tugging, just the soft glide of fabrics until they were nothing but a crazy quilt beneath. The experiment proposed commenced and a tug engendered a gasp into a groan._

_Silken hair rasped satin skin, electricity sparking at each touch. A tongue tested the sensitivity of the day's growth along a jaw, conclusion positive. A few strays found curling around dark amber nipples corresponded to a thrust when two fingers tweaked. Teasing laughter rejected the demand for speed with a reminder that a true scientist is never rushed. Fingertips traced the dark trail to the ticklish dip of whorled skin, ending with pleas for relief, unheeded._

_Preliminary analysis completed, the control subject reviewed the parameters and revealed that manipulation was as arousing as reception. The reward for the test subject's patience was a thorough application of lips and tongue to the aching result. The test subject then decided that the control subject's location was too distant for optimal reciprocation, and rearranged positions accordingly._

_Frustrated with the game, Clark tugged Lex up his body to capture the reddened, scarred lips with his. "I need you up here kissing me." Lex accepted Clark's demand, burying his hands deep in his hair to enable Lex to control the kisses better. Slick from Lex's tongue and mouth, Clark's hard length lined up with Lex's, both pressed between soft skin and hard muscle. Hands spanning taut, pale mounds, Clark guided his slim rider in a rhythm matched by tongues, lips and hearts. All too soon, it was enough, and they shuddered and broke apart, together, soft cries muted by breathless pleasure._

_Quiet peace descended, broken only by a sweet hum, Lex smiling as he felt the vibration while resting over Clark's heart. Holding Lex close, Clark whispered, "Some days my prayers are all answered, sometimes the answer is no. You smile at me. It's more than my heart can hold."_

_And they fell asleep under the black and white wraiths of love and loss._

 

. . .

 

"Clark?"

Clark didn't move from his position, silent by the window in the loft, staring out over the empty fields that had once held the Kent herd. Chloe reached the top of the stairs and stood there indecisively, rubbing her arms against the chill of the open barn. "Clark, are you ever going to talk to me again? It's been three days." A shrug of broad shoulders was her only answer. She walked forward slowly and tentatively slipped her arms around Clark's waist, resting her head against his back. "Please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you."

. . .

 

"Can I ask you who...she was? I know it's not really any of my business, since you never said anything before, but maybe it would help to talk about it." Chloe rested her hand on Clark's arm as they sat at the kitchen table, drinking the coffee she'd made.

Clark stared down into his untouched mug, and then shook his head. "I can't, Chloe. It's not my decision. I'm the one who screwed up...and no one deserves to be punished for it except me. I have to respect other people's need to keep secrets, or else I'll be nothing more than a hypocrite. I've certainly earned that name too many times already."

 

. . .

_"This was left on the front porch of my house, Lex. Whoever he is, he knows where I live, and is making it clear that my parents and I are in danger. You promised me that you were going to stop all that."_

_"If there's any investigation going on, I don't know anything about it. I dismantled everything, just as I agreed."_

_"Then what are you doing in this picture...and this one?"_

_"I've never seen this man before in my life."_

_"What about this, then?"_

_"Where did you get these files?"_

_"It doesn't matter! What is this set of tests that's being proposed?"_

_"Clark, this was shut down months ago, before we even...."_

_"But you did set this up originally? God, Lex, what kind of man are you!"_

_"Wait, these aren't...this has been altered...Clark, I would never have...."_

_"I wanted to trust you, Lex. How could I ever trust someone who can even think of...that kind of torture as being justified?"_

_"Clark, if you can really believe that I would propose something like this, then I guess you don't know me at all. Now, let go of me!"_

_"I loved you!"_

_"Loved. No, I don't think you ever did. Don't worry. I'll make sure that this is cleaned up, and that you and your parents are safe. It's the least I can do, since I doubt that you'll accept the traditional pair of diamond earrings. Goodbye, Clark."_

_"Lex, maybe I...wait...."_

_"Goodbye, Clark."_

 

. . .

 

"You're a finalist, you know. You could sing a different song and still be eligible for the prize. The judges really liked...."

"Chloe, no."

"But...think of the money. Turning that chance down...and I really do think you could win...just isn't smart, Clark."

"I don't need the money, Chloe."

"Right. I know you have the scholarship, but there are books and food and clothing and whatever."

Clark shoved away from the table and went to the bureau his mother had always used for her paperwork. Pulling out a statement, he brought it back to the table and slid it across to Chloe. "I _don't_ need the money, Chloe."

Chloe picked up the paper, her eyes widening dramatically when she read the total. "Whoa, Clark. What did you do? Rob a bank?"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." Clark yanked the paper away and returned it to the bureau. He stood there with his back to Chloe, and his shoulders slumped in despair. "Ever hear of life insurance? When Dad died, the mortgage was paid off and, since I was going to college, we sold the herd. Mom's job pays really well and she's gone a lot, so I just have to come back here every now and then to make sure everything's okay." He turned back around and leaned against the old antique. "With the money I make from my jobs...." He shrugged and sighed. "I invest most of it."

"Investments? Guess you must have picked up a few tips from Lex, hunh? Still, those are pretty impressive results from two part-time jobs."

"Three. I picked up a night job as a security guard."

Chloe sank back into her chair in shock. "When do you have time for homework and sleep?"

Clark looked away from her and shrugged again. "I do most of it at my night job. It helps keep me awake. Sleep...I don't really need much these days."

Chloe stood up and walked over to Clark, shaking her head in dismay. "Look in the mirror lately? That was one of the reasons I thought you could use the money, as well as the chance to do something fun. You've lost so much weight, and you really look exhausted. I'm surprised your mom hasn't said anything."

"I...haven't been around much."

. . .

_"Mr. Luthor still isn't available, Mr. Kent."_

_"Please, tell him I just need to talk to him for a few minutes."_

_"I'm sorry, Mr. Kent. My instructions are not to put you through or to set up any appointments for you."_

_"But I have to explain...."_

_"Goodbye, Mr. Kent."_

 

. . .

 

"Listen, do you want to relax and watch some television? Maybe there's some cheesy old alien invasion movie playing. I'll watch it, and you can just lay there and fall asleep on the sofa and pretend you don't snore."

"I don't snore, Chloe."

"See, works out perfectly. Come on. Dibs on the recliner!"

. . .

 

"And now it's time for the business news roundup. The top story today was the announcement that LexCorp has acquired the patents for three new biochemical processes predicted to revolutionize the toxic waste disposal industry. CEO Lex Luthor had this to say about the...."

Interested in hearing the details of what her father had predicted would put LexCorp in the international limelight, Chloe stopped her compulsive channel changing in order to listen to the news item. A faint noise from behind caught her attention, and she looked back over her shoulder to see Clark transfixed by the scene on the television. His face was devastated, torn by emotion, until he realized she was watching. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he composed himself and smiled back at her.

"How about some popcorn?" Without waiting for an answer, Clark jumped up and went into the kitchen, and she heard the sound of cupboards opening and then the microwave. Turning back to the news program, she saw that the anchorperson had moved on to the next highlight, and she sighed. She was convinced that she'd just been handed a clue to Clark's behavior, but she wasn't sure what to do with it. Resolving to try to talk to him about Lex later, she continued clicking until an appropriately appalling movie was filling the screen.

. . .

_He didn't really feel the snow or the cold. It wasn't anything that had ever bothered him before, and today was no exception. The other mourners shivered in their black regalia, huddled together for warmth as the minister intoned words that made no sense to him. There was no comfort in the empty phrases, not for him, not for his mother. There was only the snow and absence._

_A figure on the periphery, and therein a choice between a parent's grief and a lover's need. Too late, the decision, and only silence remained, silence and muddy tracks, there and then gone, nothing more. The snow melted against his cheeks, blending with hot tears, and he knew he wasn't meant to love someone...human. They were too easy to break and his secrets too hard to keep, his lies too many to forgive._

_His heart wouldn't listen._

_"Lex. Please."_

 

. . .

 

Chloe listened to the moaning from Clark as he tossed and turned on the sofa, face flushed and damp, and wondered how she could have been so blind. She'd had all the clues, yet she'd never managed to fit them all together. She knew she needed to try to help Clark, whether or not he wanted her to. She felt partly responsible for their friendship falling apart. Now, even worse, she understood that Clark had lost his heart, was missing the one person who could make him sing.

She'd apologized before about the information she'd given to Clark, which she'd been adamant that he had to accept as the truth. Clark had fought so hard not to believe that Lex could have done what the files and pictures had shown, but he'd finally given in when someone else had left the same information for his parents to find. Clark had never told her the details of the confrontation with Lex, but she'd guessed that it had been traumatic losing a friend like that.

She couldn't imagine how much more agonizing it must have been for Clark to lose his lover.

He'd come back from Lex's that day and insisted there had to be a mistake. Long days and nights spent researching and they'd finally found the truth. Unfortunately, it was too late, and Lionel Luthor's schemes had ultimately succeeded in breaking apart the two friends. When Chloe had asked why Clark didn't blame her, he would only say he couldn't afford to lose the only friend he had left over an honest mistake.

It was her fault. It had to be fixed before Clark was too lost within his darkness to return.

. . .

 

The DVD was unmarked.

The fact that it was on his desk without any explanation was a trifle disconcerting, but he had to assume that one of his employees had left it for him. He stared at it and weighed the possibilities, assessed the risks, and then slotted it into the player beneath the large plasma screen hidden behind a panel in the office wall.

The music sounded hauntingly familiar as a video swung around dizzily until a stage was in the frame. Lex didn't recognize the location, but the face and figure were unmistakable. Furious at the deception, he reached out to turn it off when he heard his voice and froze. Strong at first, vibrant, it choked and faded, silenced under the weight of the heavy head that descended, defeated by emotion. After a few moments, just when Lex decided to retrieve the DVD, the voice returned. The same song, yet it wasn't. The slow, bittersweet words sank into his bones, tore at the walls around his heart.

_There are high roads, low roads, and choices,_

_Reasons to doubt and believe,_

_But I'll be okay,_

_As long as you're right here with me._

He looked closer and saw what pain had wrought and long absence had dealt. Green eyes shimmered above carved lines and deep shadows that should never have existed. Hands that had always been so strong, trembled, uncertain.

_When the new day falls on the window,_

_And the stars rise together and dance,_

_And your light fills my heart and warms my soul,_

_I know how lucky I...was._

 

The final whisper of regret was enough.

. . .

 

"Lex?"

The familiar voice caught him by surprise, although it wasn't unwelcome, considering his lack of success locating Clark on campus. Turning around smoothly, Lex offered a polite nod. "Chloe."

Chloe wasted no time. "He's not here."

A frown descended as Lex deduced where the DVD had originated from, and then contemplated a discussion with a certain vice-president who had allowed his daughter to circumvent Lex's decree. He decided it could wait for a final resolution, always assuming there would be one. "Where is he, then?"

Crossing her arms and drawing herself up to her full height, Chloe shook her head. "I think that depends on why you're looking for him. It wasn't his fault the information was planted by your father, and he fought hard not to believe that you could do something like that, Lex. I...made it very hard for him to ignore the 'evidence' I had. He came back to me that day and forced me to dig deeper, deep enough to find the real truth."

Lex forced himself to remain calm. "That was, and still is, between the two of us."

"He never told me what went on between the two of you or exactly what he'd lost. I only figured it out the other day, by accident." All bravado vanished and her voice betrayed regret. "He's so hurt and broken. I've never seen him like this before. Not even when his dad...it's...I think he's given up."

"I need to see him, talk to him." He sighed. "I'm not looking to cause him more pain, Chloe. There's been enough of that, on both sides."

Wiping away a tear, Chloe sniffled. "He hasn't been back to school for over a week and a half, and the last time I saw him, he was at the farm. I think he probably still is, even though he won't answer the phone or my emails. I'm pretty sure he was hiding from me when I went there two days ago."

With an abrupt nod, Lex wheeled around and began to walk back to his car. He faltered for only a moment when Chloe called out after him, "Lex, he doesn't know that I sent you the video."

. . .

_He just kept walking away. Super-speed was of no use; he would simply turn and leave once more. Apologies rejected, begging ignored, and not even the truth about every secret was enough to cause him to look, to speak, to touch._

_"Lex, please forgive me."_

. . .

 

With the loft window wide open, the air inside was bitter with a touch of frost in the air. Lex had checked the house first, but it was apparent that no one had been inside there for days, and Lex was sure Clark was long gone. Only the presence of the old truck in the driveway had encouraged him to keep searching, and he'd found Clark in his old place of refuge, where he should have looked first.

There had been no response to his low call, and it wasn't until he'd ascended to the top of the stairs that he was sure Clark was there. The body lying on the old sofa was so still that Lex's heart skipped a beat, in fear that Clark's had failed. Pale skin had replaced golden flesh, bones stark beneath and the unused kitchen explained. A mutter, a moan, sweet sounds in the silence as Lex stumbled forward, hand outstretched in relief.

When Clark begged for forgiveness in his dreams, Lex leaned over, brushed back his tangled curls and kissed him awake.

"I do."

. . .

 

Lex waited impatiently for Clark to finish his shower, get dressed, and come back downstairs. He wasn't accustomed to feeling anything less than being in total control. He'd managed to heat up some canned soup when they came in from the barn, and had forced Clark to eat at least some of it before he'd pushed it away, saying he wasn't hungry. A suggestion that he might feel better being clean had sent Clark shuffling up the stairs without a word.

What they hadn't done was talk about what had happened between them, and what they were going to do next.

Clark had woken up at Lex's touch, confused at his presence in the loft. He'd blinked and rubbed his bleary green eyes, never saying a word as he sat up, hunched over and miserable in the cold. When Lex offered his hand to help Clark stand, he stared at it as if he wasn't sure that Lex was truly there, that he might be a dream or illusion. Finally, he'd taken it carefully and had gotten to his feet, stumbling as he silently followed Lex down the stairs and into the house.

A heavy thud brought Lex to his feet in a rush, and he abandoned his overturned chair at the kitchen table to run upstairs. The water was still running in the bathroom, so he knocked on the door, calling Clark's name several times. When he received no response, he turned the handle to find the door locked. Frustrated, he stood back and kicked the door, popping the lock with a splintering sound and a mental apology to Clark's absent mother.

Clark huddled on the floor of the shower, his shoulders shaking as the falling water disguised his sobs. Lex knew he couldn't wait any longer for Clark to find his way back from the depths by himself. Pulling off his clothes, he dropped them in the hallway outside the bathroom and then climbed into the shower with Clark, yelping when the nearly freezing water hit his back. He quickly reset the water to a more reasonable temperature, and then knelt to pull Clark back into his arms, wrapping himself around Clark's cold, shuddering form and rocking along with him, crooning soft words of comfort in his ear.

. . .

 

"I'm an alien."

Clark's back was turned to Lex, his tee shirt twisted in his hands as he halted in the middle of putting it on. Standing in the doorway of Clark's room, Lex winced at the sight of bones just beneath skin that once stretched over sleek muscle, faded jeans nearly falling off too-thin hips. He'd finally been able to coax Clark from the shower, and had sent him to get dressed while he retrieved his own wrinkled clothing from the hallway. Lex clenched his fists at the whispered confession, unprepared for Clark's first words to be so devastating. "I don't care what you are, but why? Why tell me now, Clark, after all the lies?"

"I always wanted to...I just never had the...courage. It wasn't because I didn't t...trust you. I was so afraid that I'd lose you...that you'd hate me, and then it happened anyway." Shoulders taut, as if waiting for a blow, Clark fumbled his way through an explanation. "I guess I haven't done anything right when it comes to you, Lex, and I'm sorry. I tried to tell you that I made a terrible mistake...that we found out...." He shook his head, his voice choked and thick. "I...I can't do this anymore...I can't be without you...and...." His voice died away and his shoulders began to shake again.

Lex's hands were gentle as he urged Clark to turn around and face him. "I shouldn't have let this go on for so long, Clark. I thought I was protecting you and your secrets from my father by keeping you away, that you'd be safer and happier without me." His fingers caressed the soft, dark stubble on Clark's jaw and Lex nudged his head up so that he could look into liquid, moss-green eyes. "I never had anyone watching you, not before and not after that day, so I had no idea how bad it had gotten for you. I should have known. It hurt me every day knowing I wasn't going to be with you, even when I knew you didn't trust me and lied to me. I didn't care. I don't care."

"Lex, I...."

There were no more words spoken. Lex licked the salt tears from Clark's lips, pressing close until Clark's arms came up and held him tight. A sweet moan and the kisses grew frantic from too many days spent apart. Clothing disappeared during a slow shuffle back towards the rumpled bed, and then they fell.

Together.

. . .

 

It could have been the clatter of a pan on the stove, or possibly the rush of water in the sink in the kitchen, that woke Lex. As he stretched lazily in the sun that peeked through the curtains, he was quickly convinced which particular sound was responsible for bringing him out of his dreams with a smile. As the sweet tenor floated up the stairs, Lex knew it was what he'd been missing for far too long.

They still had some talking to do, and it wasn't always going to be easy when it came to the two of them.

He knew they were better together than apart, and that was enough reason to try.

The music and words had always been right.

_There are high roads, low roads, and choices,_

_Reasons to doubt and believe,_

_But I'll be okay,_

_As long as you're right here with me._

_When the new day falls on the window,_

_Soft as the touch of your hand,_

_And your light fills my heart and warms my soul,_

_I know how lucky I am._

**Author's Note:**

> 'How Lucky I Am' by Emerson Drive (Bob Regan/Chris Lindsey)
> 
> Some days blue skies are endless,  
> Sometimes rain falls like tears,  
> Every day that you're with me,  
> Is a day I'm glad to be here.
> 
> There are high roads, low roads, and choices,  
> Reasons to doubt and believe,  
> But I'll be okay,  
> As long as you're right here with me.
> 
> [chorus]  
> When the new day falls on the window,  
> Soft as the touch of your hand,  
> And your light fills my heart and warms my soul,  
> I know how lucky I am.
> 
> Some days my prayers are all answered,  
> Sometimes the answer is no,  
> You smile at me, it's more than my heart can hold.
> 
> [chorus (2x)]  
> When the new day falls on the window,  
> Soft as the touch of your hand,  
> And your light fills my heart and warms my soul,  
> I know how lucky I am.
> 
> When the new day falls on the window,  
> And the stars rise together and dance,  
> And your light fills my heart and warms my soul,  
> I know how lucky I am.
> 
> Play [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfcKLTPJFFE) if you want to hear the complete version of what Clark was trying to sing, but you'll probably need to close your eyes because it's not SV-related.


End file.
